We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, “I’ll have the 24.”
“Uh, Jim,” I whispered, “that’s the price, not the meal number.”
“Oh,” he said. “Then give me the 12.”
Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German shepherd. I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cashbox to pay. Taped to the inside of the lid was this note: “The dog can count.”
During a visit to our friend’s home in Canada, we were feted with a wonderful breakfast. But my six-year-old daughter was not impressed.
“Your pancakes are smaller than my mom’s,” she told him.
He replied, “That’s because of the exchange rate.”
On a billboard ad for a safe company:
“If your stuff is stolen, it’s not our vault.”
Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. “Eight dollars,” I answered. “And for a shave?” “Five dollars.”
“All right,” he said, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”
I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.
It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
As an airline reservation agent, I took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two but wasn’t happy with the price of $59 per ticket. “I want the $49 fare I saw advertised,” he insisted, saying he would accept a flight at any time. I managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. “I’ll take it,” he said, then worried his wife might not like the early hour. I warned there was a $25 fee per person if he changed the reservation. “Oh, that’s no problem,” he said dismissively. “What’s fifty bucks?”
Make smart money decisions; don’t end up in Reader’s Digest!
